it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
