my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
