This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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