i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
