there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
