her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Randomize
