I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
