Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Someone signed my nipple.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
