The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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