she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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