so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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