she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
