I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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