What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Randomize
