Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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