You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
