1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
