Are we in a gay sports bar?
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
