So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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