Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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