you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
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