Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
