We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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