he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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