I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize
