So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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