It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Randomize
