Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
