I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
