I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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