dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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