They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
