trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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