I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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