I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
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