yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
