Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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