i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
