You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
