I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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