No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
