im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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