I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize
