why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
