I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
