Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
