I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
