So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
