Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I should be sponsored by Trojan
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize