he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
