Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
