that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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