Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
