All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
