it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
