So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
