I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
