i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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