I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Operation Purity has been aborted
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
