I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Randomize
