WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
