so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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