Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
