You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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