Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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