i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
