yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
