"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize